Y’all, it has been a HOT minute since I got on my blog and wrote anything. To be quite honest, it has been a hot minute since I felt there was something in my life worth sharing on this platform. However, I feel like the current events occuring in our nation – one’s that have been stimulated from centuries of events similar – deserve to be acknowledged.

I wish that I could start this post by saying that I have spent countless hours since George Floyd’s murder (yes, murder, there are no “but”s about it) researching and educating myself on the subject of black oppression, but I pride myself on honesty, and I would be lying if I said that I had done so.

In the days since George Floyd’s murder, I have been really disheartened and sad. I have been watching the news, listening to outcries from the community and nation as a whole, watching riots among individuals trying to peacefully protest. I have shared videos, posts, and educational pieces on social media from others, but I have been wrestling for days with the idea of speaking on the subject personally — What would that look like? Do I, a white woman from an affluent, mostly white community, even deserve to speak on the subject? Am I allowed to comment on the murder of George Floyd while also disagreeing with the rioting and looting occuring across the country?

In the days since George Floyd’s murder, I have been mourning the loss of another human being gone too soon.

I have also been mourning the loss of the society I knew – or thought that I knew. Growing up as a white woman in an affluent, mostly white neighborhood, and growing up in church, I have never really witnessed or experienced racism. I am privileged in that way… well, I am privileged in a lot of ways… solely because of the lack of melanin found in my genetic make-up. In fact, I am so privileged that I honestly did not believe that racism really existed outside of the police brutality I witnessed on the news (yes, I realize how niave that is of me).

Until today, I was unsure about posting any of my own thoughts on this subject… and because I was unsure about posting and the words I could even say (since my words won’t bring back George Floyd or the countless other black lives we have lost to racism), I was pretty sure I just wasn’t going to post anything. I have always functioned (and still do) with an “actions speak louder than words” mentality. I whole-heartedly believe that conversations such as these are far better in person where tone, inflection, and passion of voices can be experienced. Because of this, I have disagreed with two comments I have seen frequently on social media in the last couple of days… 1. by not speaking up on social media, I am being complacent and 2. by not speaking up on social media, I am being racist. But what I have realized is that right now, in a country that is still mostly shut down due to the spread of a pandemic disease, it is difficult to have these conversations in person. Honestly, it’s difficult to have these conversations in general because they can make us uncomfortable. It’s time for us to become comfortable with uncomfortable conversations.

As I told a friend today – I am very obviously not black. I do not, nor will I ever, understand the difficulties and hatred she endures just becuase of the color of her skin. I do not fully feel or understand the pain and heartache she feels.

But I promise to listen and learn – and then share that information. I promise to have the difficult, sometimes uncomfortable conversations. I promise to stand with you. I promise to speak up. Most importantly, I promise to continually pray for you.

I don’t know what your faith background is (or if you even have one), but I serve a God who is bigger than me and you. And while I don’t understand your pain and circumstances, I serve a God who not only hears your cries, but feels your pain.

I serve a God who has given us these truths to hold on to:

But the one who hates his brother or sister is in the darkness, walks in the darkness, and doesn’t know where he’s going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. (1 John 2:11)

This is how we have come to know his love: He laid down his life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. (1 John 3:16)

We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and yet hates his brother or sister, he is a liar. For the person who does not love his brother or sister whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. (1 John 4:19-21)

So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female. (Genesis 1:27)

I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. (John 13:34)

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or his stature because I have rejected him. Humans do not see what the Lord sees, for humans see what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

I know this post isn’t going to make many waves in a broken world, but I hope its a start. And to everyone reading this – regardless of the color of your skin, your age, your sexuality, etc. – I hope you leave this post knowing that you are seen, loved, and valued. You matter – not just to me, but to the One who is far greater than me.

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